The Decline

Went for my last lesson for this week and it was such a disaster. I thought that my week had been bad enough, with students not giving a shit about learning on Tuesday and students complaining my game was boring (as compared to the previous week's game) on Wednesday. I was wrong. Horribly wrong. I went to the lesson half an hour early with the marked worksheet and decided on what to teach each student. 15minutes into the lesson and I was still waiting. Alone. In the classroom. Only at the 15th minute mark did 1 student step into my class. 1 student out of a freaking class of 6.

I felt a surge of despair and guilt as I spent the entire 2 hours fixated on 1 student. I felt so bad for screwing up the lives of the students as they must have skipped my lesson to go for makeup lessons, meaning to say I'm a useless teacher who can't even teach properly. Even for that one student, I couldnt teach properly as he was a slower learner, hence making me slightly exasperated. Exasperation compounded by my sense of guilt just threw me into a deep hole of shit. Think I should just give up on this path and source for alternatives, instead of screwing the lives of students who are unluckily placed in my class. 

Since there is still 1 month of relief tutoring left, I shall just persevere and strive hard to lessen my guilt. In the meantime, I need some Running Man and Mango-Orange-yogurt smoothie to ease my depression. 

"Life is a marathon, there are times you're ahead and times you're behind. But ultimately it's merely a race with yourself" 

(thanks to a special friend for this inspiring motivation:)